At some point, every parent has that nightmare that one day their toddler will wake up before they do and destroy the house while their still blissfully sleeping. It happened years ago once with Nathan. I woke up to him smashing a carton of eggs one by one onto the kitchen floor, giggling as he dropped each one. Have you ever tried to wipe up a dozen eggs at seven in the morning?
Today I experienced an awful deja vu. I had an instant panic attack the moment I woke up to an empty bed and an opened bedroom door. (The fact that he still sleeps with us is a whole other post.) Nevertheless, I instantly ran down the stairs knowing good and well it wasn’t going to be a pretty sight.
Sure enough, this is what I saw…
My naked toddler trying to crawl underneath our coffee table, which happened to be covered in water and about one half of the contents from our silverware drawer. He held a gleaming silver object in his hand which he excitedly asked me, “What’s dis!!?”
Me: “That’s a nutcracker, baby.”
I can’t shake off the irony there. Nude boy holding a pair of nutcrackers. That’s just funny stuff!
Me: “Where are your clothes?”
Scout: “----rakdhf;hsldkja” just a bunch of ramble.
Me: “Alrighty, then.”
I looked around the living room, dining room, and kitchen with no results. This could only mean one thing---He managed to break through all baby proofing and slip into the bathroom.
I took a deep breath and prepared myself.
Yep. There sat his clothes in a pile, dirty diaper in the floor, drawers opened and their contents emptied onto the floor. And pee pee all over the toilet.
His morning was certainly full adventure! And my morning was full of cleaning!
The day didn’t get any better, btw. The babies managed to break into the upstairs bathroom while I was cooking my breakfast. I found my very expensive---I can only afford once a year---facial powder spilled onto the floor. Mascara---gone.
Then I had the splendid idea to take all three kids to Wal-Mart to pick up five things. “It will be a quick trip!” I assured myself.
hahahahahaha! That is the laughter coming from the cosmos.
I pulled into a jam packed parking lot, and every instinct I have told me to turn around and go home. But I didn’t listen. I obviously felt that herding three chickens inside a store during a holiday week was the best idea I had all year. One hour later, I emerged from the store doors.
I was done with motherhood by the end of the night.